Even when you have so many people around you and you know that they care about you and they love you, sometimes you still feeling alone. Pretending to be indestructible sometimes it is impossible. You can think that you are used to not have love around you, and I am not talking about the word, I am talking about what that word brings it. Touch, kisses, hugs, protection, home, safe… I could say that I am that independent person that can live alone, with my problems, my solutions. Focus on my goals, leaving other things a part. Important things that you cover many times with one I am ok, it is fine. But the true it is not fine, you can still lying at you, don’t talk about that, at the end if you just talk with yourself sometimes It is like things have not really happen. It is just between you and your mind. Days like these days that they are not grey days they are actually red, you can see how the red light is coming through the window and yes today the weather it is look like your soul. It is about to exploit but keeping calm however you cannot avoid think about life, future, important things. Being far away from people you really care and you know they are going to be there any time for you, those one that can move the world to make you feel happy and if they feel you are not, or you are sick, they can feel your sickness, your sadness and they can give you that hug or say don’t worry about it we are proud of you, we are here and we will always be, leave yourself more calm more in peace. So on you think maybe I am focus in something that it might not make me happy in the future or maybe yes, but I will always have in mind the time I could spend with my parents and sister and I did not. Because first of all it was me, and then well they will always be there. And might there will be a day I hope far away that they won´t. Will I probably regret for not spend happy lunch Sunday times in family? The answer it is absolutely yes, I will. I have dead surround me the majority of my life, I know the first thing you think when you lost that person, the word that you could say to them and you didn’t, the time that you could spend with them and you didn’t because there was always something better to do at that time, and maybe that plan wasn’t that funny. Maybe that could be the reason why I have that connection with my family because I know what it is lost one of the members and how to stand up all together all as one. Because even when I pretend to be like a giant they know that I am an ant. Focus on your goals, but never forget about people who are around you. They are the base of your house, if you don’t have the base everything you want to construct will collapse.

Friendships, relationships....

Have you ever felt that you have so many things in common with someone and then when feelings are over it is look like you do not have anything else to talk about it? I think this is really common for the human being. We start to fancy someone and it is look like we do not have enough hours in a day to talk. You talk to him when you wake up, when you have breakfast when you are leaving your place, when you are going to work, when you have a break, when you are getting change, when you are going to take the bus, when you are at home…and if someone ask you what are you talking about during all day? Your answer is we have so many things to talk about it. And think, not even with your best friend who you talk with a lot have so many things to tell her. I have to say that with whatsupp everyone is update it every single second, there are no excuses to not write someone with the funniest thing that just it has happened to you. But continuing the theme, you text this guy very often, he texted you as well, you talk about everything, you plan things to do, you cannot wait to see him next time, he starts to be part of you or for that circle of friends that you talk to when you need some support. And I think maybe for woman it is easiest to have one man nearby as we feel that protection that it is what we are looking for. Protection, someone who look after us, someone strongest than us or at least that he looks like. Weakness we girls have enough. At the end, the person you more feel like to talk for a while. One day feelings start to get over and conversations are shorter, sometimes you talk with regret with anger, because you are realizing that things are getting to the end. You try to keep that friendship, but the truth is that is a bit complicated, the 1000 words you have to say before are now reduce to monosyllables and even you miss that long conversations until late in the night, you know that never it is going to be the same. Sometimes you waste your time building relationships, because at the end when the feelings are over you lost all the interest for those things you were interesting in the past.

¿Has sentido alguna vez que tienes millones de cosas en común con alguien y cuando empiezas a dejar de sentir parece que no tienes nada de qué hablar? Creo que esto es muy común entre el ser humano. Cuando alguien empieza a gustarnos parece que el día no tiene suficientes horas para hablar. Tú hablas con él cuándo te levantas, cuando desayunas, cuando te vas a trabajar, cuando tienes un descanso, cuando te estás cambiando, cuando vas a coger el autobús, cuando llegas a casa…y si alguien te pregunta que de que hablais todo el día. Tu respuesta es tenemos muchas cosas de las que hablar. Y piensa, ni siquiera con tu mejor amiga, a esa que le cuentas todo tienes tantas cosas que contarle. Tengo que apuntar también que con esto del whatsupp todo el mundo está informado en todo momento, no hay excusas para no escribirle a alguien la cosa que tan divertida que te acaba de pasar. Pero continuando con el tema, tú le escribes a este chico muy a menudo y viceversa, hablando de todo, planeando cosas que hacer, impaciente por verlo otra vez y el empieza a formar parte de ti y de ese círculo de amigos al que escribes cuando necesitas un poco de apoyo. Y yo creo que quizás para una mujer es más fácil tener el apoyo de un hombre, sentir su protección, que al fin y al cabo es lo que vamos buscando protección, alguien que cuide de nosotras, alguien más fuerte que nosotras o que al menos lo parezca. Para débiles ya estamos nosotras. Al fin y al cabo, se convierte en la persona con la que tienes más ganas de hablar por un tiempo. Un día esos sentimientos comienzan a desaparecer y las conversaciones se hacen más cortas, hablas con arrepentimiento y rabia, porque te das cuenta que todo está llegando a su fin. Intentas salvar la amistad, pero la verdad es que es un poco complicado porque de las 1000 palabras que tenías que decir antes, ahora se han reducido a monosílabos y aunque tu eches de menos las conversaciones hasta las mil de la noche, eres consciente de que esto no va a pasar nunca más. Muchas veces malgastas tu tiempo construyendo relaciones, porque al final cuando tu dejas de sentir pierdes interés por todas aquellas cosas que te interesaban en el pasado.

Apparently yesterday was my 25th birthday, 25 years of life or what we call quarter century. I have so many things on my head, so many things to plan and change them. I am not anymore in my earliest 20th, I am nearly the 30th. I cannot waste my time and circling around. From now everything have consequences and all I get now I will have on my 30th. Certainly what I am most worry about it is my professional career, desire to grow up. From now I have one year to work in the field I like and work hard to develop it to get success. The number 25 make me think about that I am in this wonderful city, London for two years, when I arrived with my 22 years old, with nothing saying I have one month to find a job. All of these happen one 14th of September of 2010 and then few times later I was celebrating my 23 full of hope and desire to explore this city. Maybe personally I feel I have not change a lot and mostly when we talk in terms of the night out, being that uncontrolled crazy girl, although I have to say that I am setting my times to the English timings, and just few times I am going to bed after 3 in the morning. However, maybe I am lying a bit regarding personally changes. I think I am a bit colder and independent that I was before. I have learned that my twin soul is myself and that no one can understand me how I do myself .Long conversations with my subconscious trying to give both productivity and being my biggest supporter and my worst enemy. Sometimes we are hardest with ourselves than the rest of the world are. How cruel our mind can be sometimes. We still make the same mistakes than when we were 18, but now the pain goes fast or not. Or maybe you are so disappointed with some facts of the life that It won´t make any change on you.